Alpha to Omega

I’ve noticed a scary phenomenon lately. People who are so utterly desperate to be individuals, to be unconventional, to spit in the face of ‘the man’ that they seem willing to do anything to get attention. A sadly large number of women would call this feminism—exhibitionism, thirst for conflict, and downright bitchiness—and all it really achieves is the alienation of real women and the labelling of feminism as a fucked-up cry for attention from a bunch of women eager for the chance to be exploited. As long as it’s my decision to shake my naked ass on television, I am empowered—Very Classy.

As a true “snob,” (I use this word partly because I am not yet fully comfortable with the use of the word “feminist” in such a general medium due to the stigma that seems to follow it in popular culture—you know: the big ‘D’ word. I realise though that associating “feminists” with so-called “snobs” may also be a distinct error, though in this context I think it is appropriate as a sarcastic transitionary between the bitchiness that is supposedly “feminism” in popular culture and the real empowerment that is also often perceived as inappropriate) I decided it was high time a simple repertoire were laid out for the younger generations who have twisted ideas about real women thanks to the gods of popular media and their shady entourage of whores.

Concept #1: Using people is never cool. There is a word for people who use their sexuality and physical appearances for favours; I really don’t think it’s necessary to type it out. So, if you’re at the bar and a man you aren’t attracted to approaches you with the offer of a drink, what do you do? A polite refusal is all that is necessary to communicate disinterest. Accepting said offer or refusing it with a mocking laugh is disrespectful to one’s self and highlights either desperation for attention or a need to humiliate others out of self-loathing. A snob doesn’t hate him/herself and certainly does not sell out.

Concept #2: Popularity is over-rated. Why are you toting around old acquaintances from grade school? Think about what these people bring to your life. If all you have with someone is history then it’s time to move on. If you wouldn’t confide in someone, then they aren’t your friend. Believe it or not, you can have a life without filling up useful time in your schedule with other people. And I think you can probably make it to the bathroom on your own, you don’t need an assistant.

Concept #3: Know yourself and do it well. Whatever your thing is—music, video games, art, literature, card tricks, miming—it’s your thing. This means you’re well schooled in the subject matter, or you do it damn well.

Concept #4: Have staunch standards about things that are important to you. Indulgence is earned and when it is, it should be genuine. Why do people consume the tasteless Merlot that is put in front of them? Because they are fooling themselves. Merlot is this safe and easy decision for people who simply do not know what they like. It isn’t that these people have bad taste, it’s that they have no taste.

We live in an age where the internet brings us countless opportunities to explore different forms of art, different music, different writing styles, different points of view, but do we really take the time to look at these things, process these things and eventually make a decision about them? Has it ever occurred to anyone that the lyrics to most mainstream music has a vacancy and absolute lack of meaning that verges on vacuous? No, of course not. That would take effort. We consume what is put in front of us with the zest of a newborn in front of flashing Christmas lights without even stopping to consider that the Oscar winners (and nominees for that matter) may not have been the best movies of the year. We fall for it so easily—so easily in fact, that we are willing to pay for the privilege of having advertisements beamed into our living rooms and are even more willing to spend time “relaxing” whilst watching them. We are such a comical race.

I don’t really care if you like Merlot. I really don’t care if you think listening to Cradle of Filth is a good way to be counter-culture and escape all this tripe. The thing is, most of the time I just plain don't believe you--that you think or even have the capacity to like or dislike anything. But that doesn't matter either and it shouldn't matter to you. What it comes down to is this:

Your identity is dependant on making decisions for yourself and not allowing popular media, your parents, your neighbourhood, your “friends”, or the government to dictate your taste in men/women, fashion, sex, music, art, love, friendship, dogs, cats, television, war, peace, food, blondes, brunettes, Swedish massages, cars, abstinence, PETA, toilet paper, crack, toothpaste, corporate America, plants, the Nazis, prostitution, in home theatre systems, your garbage, the CIA, ambient lighting, wine, cigarettes, furniture, cola, posturing, celebrities, madness, living or fucking ANYTHING.

That is your duty as a human being. Not to me, to yourself.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, and just because I can:



HOT (it actually makes me giggle)



NOT (it actually makes me nauseous)

To sum up, Feminism—my brand of it at least—has never been about avenging womanhood and performing castrations or adopting the in-your-face “feminine” sexuality that seems curiously masculine. It is far more about being individual than being vaginal; these are universal concepts and are no longer reserved for housewives who feel they need to be released from the control of a male dominated society. This is about cutting through the stigmas and misconceptions that segregate anyone and everyone; it has always been about respect for one’s self and for other people and about seeing everyone as deserving of the dignities and rewards currently given to a select few. We all have middle fingers and there is nothing about waving them around that is in any way deserving of respect.